Its Christmas again!

Time flew by, snow came down

Its Christmas again!

Will it be a Merry Christmas

without your laughter and cheer. 

I'll miss the smile on your face

while decorating tree in all place,

Though you won't decorate my Christmas tree,

Your spirit will light the lights for me to see.

I'll think about Christmas's in the past,

Hold on to memories that slipped so fast.

For they're all I have left to remember,

on this sad Christmas morning in December.

I don't want the snow,nor the Santa's presents

I just wish you'd touch my heart in such a way,

that I could live through the pain of Christmas Day

And, help me remember that  love

sent to me from the Heavens above.

Though my heart will be broken and torn...

I'll know you're with Jesus on this Christmas morn.

Christmas won't be  same without your smiling face

but I know you're in a much better place!

Pace of life

7 months, 9 days equals 223 days

I know there is no point in talking numbers, but I freak out as I see the numbers increasing day by day...I am planning to move out of country, don't know to lev dad n nobly. But dad himself said better go do your studies get job n do invite me there :) 

I know you would have been happy hearing this as you always wanted me to be independent and do things my own. Sometimes I wish mom you were here to say , Meble do this do that, dont go there, dont eat that, pray to god .... n so on... 

Now all I feel is emptiness, like a huge hole inside my heart. Sometimes it pains when memories come rushing to my mind. 

Your Face

I can still see your face as if it were only yesterday.....
I miss you  and dream of you often......
There is no one to blame for your loss other than God, 
But how can I blame him, whom you love the most??
I promise to always love you the same!!!

Sad September

Mumma...
Nobly went to blore today..just came back after seeing him off :( ...Feels like hes gone too far, even if its just a matter of 1 day travel. I have started to miss him already so much i cant explain.. Now weekends ould be so lone in home without him. Dad also would be sad sitting alone everyday in home...y did u hav to go maaa... now all of us in different places...family is going in a different direction..if u were here all of us wud have been together :( .. i luv u... 

Boring August

When we're dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief. We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we can't imagine it's true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain. We beg. We plead. We offer everything we have, we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we've done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance....

What else do I say Mom, 128 days seems like 128 years without you..Life is moving ..going fast..job, studies,dad,bro...just you are not there...But I know u can see us, and u must be happy there...

July Rains

Have I forgotten u Maa?? No..but sure life is going on..95 days..seems like a huge number to me..but yes..its been 95 days..without seeing u, hearing ur sound...have i missed u? what kind of a stupid question is that ryt??

Life is moving on  maa..alwasy busy with works stuffs..Sat sun off..will go home.. make some food for dad n nobly..his admission in done in blore.. he will go next month...

Dad is keeping cool ..so i m not worried abt him now.. Hope he finds peace in his own way...

41 days of Solitude

Can u believe Mom, Its been 41 days!!!!

:( Went to church in morning ....Dad is going to Pune today, he needs a change of place, dono when he is coming back. Nobly is confused about what to do with his future and me as usual still searching for what I am supposed to do :). MCA exams are on top of my head, I freaked out and thinking of dropping MCA.
Its too tough maa..all these maths stufss!!phewww.... I hate maths
 Sad news is Kevz gone.. Alphy on d way to go...Punya goin back to tvm...
All are leaving me.. I know they all are doing it for a good purpose and I am happy for each of them, still a little sad. Friends come and go ryt, but their impacts in heart stays forever.

So hows it like out there? Tell me about when you are free from your buzy schedule! Lookin to hear from u

Luv,
Mebz

Mothers Day

Hey Maa..

Happy Mothers Day...Time is flying by rite?? I still remember when we were in Dubai , I used to make stupid cards for you and you liked them no matter how sick those were :). I really missed you mumma, everyone was talking about mothers day and even facebooking how much dey love their mom and wat all they did :( I got jealous ...

Sunday when I was standing in the Cemetery,  I almost felt like you were near me, I could hear you calling me "Mone" :( ...I didn't concentrate anything for mass, was thinking about you only ...I only wish to see you once more...I know its not possible :( , but nothing is impossible for Jesus ryt?? And you are with him :) So please ask him.......

Luv,
Mebz

My Hero

Hold your loved ones close,
Let go of your egos,
Once the time you have is gone,
 It’s gone
Time waits for none
I keep telling myself, If only she had more time!!
I pray to God,to roll back time,
I will pay for every second with a dime
No it’s too late,
Again its my fate.
Heart is flooded with pain,
Tears come down like rain
What if it changes??
Mind is stuck up with “what if”
Cancer, the dreaded "C" word,
Who I think is a coward.
Mom fought you till the end,
not losing her mind
Salute to my bravest Soldier,
Who will always be my HERO!!

Chalakudy day

Hi Mom ,

Hope you are having a good time watching over us. I have joined back in Office. Its really boring you know, cant concentrate properly. Hope I will be like before soon. Great news is that we went to Chalakudy on May 1st, St.Joseph's Day at Meloor church. Dad also came along. After you went for the first time he stepped out of home. Nobly cudnt make it as he had an exam on 2nd May. We had a good time there. Valsa Aunty was saying you always wanted to see one of these celebrations, even though you couldnt make it I know you would have been looking from above. Or you can see them through my eyes mumma. Its still a mystery that you are not there mumma, everyone has coped to the fact that you are gone forever, except for me. somehow I cant digest it. I like to think you are there around me :)

This weekend we are planning for an outing Mumma. Will be our first outing without you. Theres no point in saying will miss you, cuz I already do so now.

Lot of things to tell you, for now me going...

Luv,
Mebz

Complaints to Heaven!!!

Dear Mom,

My heart cries because you are not here anymore,

I miss your loving arms in which I used to cuddle,

I miss the fun times we had,

I miss your scoldings at times,

I miss your cooking, you made so many wonderful dishes for us,

Your voice is no longer heard in the house,

You're still my mother, even if you are not here on earth anymore.

I hope you are enjoying your new life in heaven,

I know you are with your parents,

They will take care of you like you did here for us.

I am glad you feel no more pain and no more suffering,

I just could not see you in pain any more,

I know you feel no more sadness,

I know you can now see and hear us unlike before,

I know you no longer have memory loss like before,

Today I feel this pain when I have memories of you,

I know you would want me to be happy,

It is difficult to do this sometimes.

I missed your hug when I stepped up in my career,

Christmas will never be the same without you,

How will I buy a surprise gift for your bday?

We had planned to celebrate your 25th Wedding Anniversary, 

Without you dad is so alone.

My birthday, you won't be there to make my fav food,

Vacations will not be the same without you.

Who do I ask for advice in the future when I have my own children?

You promised me to look after them Mom....

I know I may sound selfish 

I miss you mom and I wish you could have stayed with us a little bit more.

Jesus,Please take care of her,

Also if you ever feel busy,do send her back to me,I'l look after her.

I know you are busy with Jesus now,

I will see you someday when I come stand by Jesus.

Love,

Mebz

Will I be seeing You???

Everyone copes differently, some cry for the loss of a loved one, others smile because they know they'll see them again.

Dear Mumma, 
Its been thirteen days since you left us. THIRTEEN ....still i cant accept you are no more....
Will I be seeing you again mom? I dunno...Sometimes I cry to myself thinking if only I could see you once more. All those things I wanted to say to you is now left in a corner of my heart. I dono why I am writing this, but I feel you are out there watching me , reading my thoughts and I can let go of my pains through writing to you. Its been a week since you left us, time flies by..cant believe a week passed by without you in our home Mumma.. Everyone's been telling me they are sorry to hear about you, why would they be sorry!!!

Life is so empty without you mumma..never thought I would miss you so desperately. While looking at the pics we took for your last bday and I almost broke down. Noble is trying real hard to console me, but what can he say, I am happy that hes growing up mumma..taking responsibilities, taking care of dad. I dont know how to console Pops..mom...he has changed so much since you left. He never talks much, Yesterday saw him booking tickets to Pune for next month. When I asked why are you going pops, he said, Noble is going for MBA and you are in Cochin, its better I go somewhere for a short period of time,need a change from here. What do I do mumma? I feel like our family is scattered, you were the soul of our home and its no more a home without you. But I will try my level best mumma, to keep the three of us bonded with your memories.

Sometimes I wonder what all would have been in your mind that you wanted to tell us!I know a new home was your biggest dream which couldn't be done :( I still cant accept mumma that I wont be seeing you ever again. I still feel like you are in Dubai and will be coming for summer vacations like old times.Let my mind believe that mumma, at least I have the hope that you are out there. And I will write to you when ever I want to talk to you. You were the only friend I ever have mumma, you know na how idiotic I am in making friends. Now when I look back I am shocked to find out that you were the only person I open up to, my heart keeper,my best friend, my guide...What will I do mumma, give me strength..Please tell God to let you come to us once a while!!!

Luv,
Mebz

My Blog, My post

I have created this blog to speak to my mom. I know it sounds crazy, but its purely personal. I do not intend anybody to come and read it or comment on it. I can post whatever I wish to as it is my BLOG!!!
I needed to write down all those I wanted to tell to her. Maybe my mind can have some peace.She left this world too early that I didnt have a chance to tell her all those I wanted to say. May be shes around, May be she can see this...If so Mumma...I Love You....