10 years without you

 Today marks your 10th anniversary in heaven. Sometimes its scary thinking my kids will never get to know you or will I forget you when I am old. I believe you have found your peace mom  

Sometimes it feels like you never left us. You’ve been here with us each and every moment. You always give me subtle sign’s whenever I miss you, like a cloud formation in sky or as a monarch butterfly fluttering in front of my eyes. You are always there and will be forever. 

5 years later

 Life happened and its 2023 now. A lot has changed over the years. I got married, moved to NZ and started working, had my baby girl in 2019. Her name is Gabriella and we call her Gaby. She is amazing and fills our life with so much happiness and joy. I see you in her eyes every day. Rejoined testing after a long gap of 7 years. Struggled a lot and saved enough to buy a small house, had another baby boy in 2022. He is named as Mikhayel. Both named after angels and who will watch over them hopefully. 

They have kept me sane over the years. I never imagined my life would change drastically with kids coming. I always wonder only if you were here to see them. I know you are watching from above, but I wish upon a star every now and then for my kids to get to know you. 

Luv 

Mebz

Dots

 I seem like nothing happened but inside I am dying a little bit more everyday. Bleeding has subsided and every last sign of what I had is disappearing. Mumma I don’t know how to get through this. Eventually I may but for now I am stuck in this vicious cycle of me going through the pain over and over again.
He is worried about me and doesn’t know what to do for me to be back to who I was. I have told him a 100 times its not his fault that I can’t be normal. Its just things in my head.

I hope you are listening and tell me what to do. 

Another Loss

Life is snatching away people from my life one by one. After 2 years of marriage I got to hear the best news of my life, that I will be a mum like you. Excited and scared and cant explain how I felt. As we prepared for the arrival of our newbie. Everything seemed normal until they found our newbie has no heartbeat. Life seemed to be turning upside down right in front of my eyes. Physically I was absolutely fine as there were no signs of anything but inside our newbie was no longer growing. Somehow I always felt like it was a boy and I hope he is with you mumma. There is no one else in this world who can take better care for my newbie than you. I leave him to be with you. Safe and happy until I see you up there. 

 

Its 2018

Happy Newyear Mumma,

It is 2018 and 4 years since you left for heaven. I really miss you. I still believe you are working in Dubai, which gives me peace of mind. I think I will leave it as it is! 

Helloo

Hey Mom,
Are you still here with me?? Why cant I feel your warmth around me anymore..If you here nearby please give me a sign..I will just know that you are with me..

Third year

Another year without you by me just went by. Did I forget you? I wonder sometimes!! I couldnt even remember the day you left us. It went by me just like every other day.

How I wish sometimes if you were here with me. Life has been screwing me over and over again. Making wrong decisions has become more like a natural thing to me. This time I am scared mom if I am going to regret this lifelong.